Dane Cook Retaliation Quotes

You know I am glad he is an atheist. Because wouldn't it be great that while he is doing his little tree thing, i know they do a lot of work with breezes, through the woods a huge sweaty guy with an ax comes long, sees him " chop-chop", puts a chain around him, drag him through the mud and the muck, throws him into a sawmill and grinds him up " NEEEEEEEEEEE", then you pound him down into paper, and once he's paper, you print the Bible on him. Dane Cook Quotes - Zimbio
Dane Cook Quotes - Zimbio

Dane Cook took to Twitter last night when his beloved dog Beast went missing -- and wouldn't you know it ... the pooch was found just two hours later. Score one for social media! Cook posted a pic of Beast last night around 9:00 PM and said the dog had been missing for an hour. He asked for help, gave out some info, and posted the ecstatic tweet about finding the dog shortly thereafter.  When you only get 140 characters, 13 exclamation points in a tweet means you're REALLY happy. See also Dane Cook & Jeff Ross -- Will Sing for Boobs Dane Cook ... Read Full Story Dane Cook Quotes - BrainyQuote
Dane Cook Quotes - BrainyQuote

You ever do a little delete game? Do you like to do that? You go through, you take your contactlist, sometimes you're just in the doctor's office right? You start scrolling through, you're like...who don't I need? Who don't I need in my life? Where can I get a megabyte of space back right now? And it's kinda fun right? You just scroll through...er Peter, Peter, yeah fuck Peter, BOOM! And you really hit that delete button like you're deleting Peter from existence. Peter is sitting half way around the world eating a steak and the second you hit that button he just turns to vapour: VVVVVVVV!! The fork falls: Tingtingtingelingtingting! The person that's sitting across him is like: "PETER!". Peter is gone. Poof! Dane Cook - Wikiquote
Dane Cook - Wikiquote

"When somebody gives you directions, don't you get so anal about their directions, they give you them and the entire time driving your like cutting down their directions, right? Their like take a left at the red house, thats fucking maroon you idiot! Why is it the street you're looking for always has a tree from the Mesozoic Era growing around the sign, your looking for like Mount Vernon and all you see is like the N for Vernon, and you drive by going, that was probably it. Theres always a point in the directions when it says "if you hit the train tracks, uh you've gone too far" and right then *CUCLUNK*..FUCK!"

I HATE it when somebody turns around in my driveway. You're just sitting comfortably watching T.V., you hear a car pulling up like "Who is this?!" It's so disruptive you look out, strange car, you dont know if it's a government official. You start getting concerned "What I dont know this car," then they turn to leave you're like "You son of a bitch, you wasted moments of my life! Moments i will never get back!"  I'd like to shoot a laser out of my cock. And when I'm empty, my balls glow.  Who doesn't like movies? Who has ever said, "Hey, you wanna go see a movie?" "Fuck that and fuck you, movies! It’s ridiculous, the whole idea of it! It’s just wrong and fake and no!  When you walk into the public restroom, why is everything fucking wet?  Time machine... wouldn't you like to travel through time? I would. I'd go back..mess with people. You know what I would do? I would go back to when my mom and dad were having sex, to have me. Ya'know, come in, spank my dad on the ass, I'M YOUR SON FROM THE FUTURE!! AAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! *smack* IM FROM THE FUTURE!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Ian Benardo -- the " American Idol " reject who stole the mic from Dane Cook during the live finale earlier this year -- is setting the stage for a $300 million lawsuit ... claiming show producers told him to "gay it up" ... and then turned their back on him when the idea backfired. Among the allegations included in a legal document filed yesterday with the NY State Equal Employment Opportunity Commission -- Benardo claims Dane Cook personally threatened him after the 2010 live show ... and one of the show's producers told Benardo that Dane wanted to "shove this mic up your ... Read Full Story